Sue Scheff: Parents Universal Resource Experts

Just a reminder of my organization that I created almost 10 years ago after a negative experience with my own teenage daughter. A Parent’s True Story has been widely read through my book Wit’s End! I was very fortunate that Health Communications, Inc. recognized the importance of my story and the valuable advice I offer to parents who are desperate for help and are at risk of making rash decision in searching for residential therapy. Order today at http://witsendbook.com/.

Parent’s Universal Resource Experts, Inc. (P.U.R.E.™) is an organization that was founded in 2001 by Sue Scheff. For the past several years Parent’s Universal Resource’s has assisted families with valuable information and resources for their children and teens that are at risk. Teens that are struggling with today’s peer pressure, experimenting with drugs and alcohol, and simply good kids starting to make bad choices. We have many very satisfied families that have used our services. Please take a moment to read some of our testimonials.

Whether you are seeking Boarding Schools, Therapeutic Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, Wilderness Programs, Christian Schools, Summer Programs, Military Schools and more, Parent’s Universal Resource’s can offer you options to explore to help educate you in a very important decision for your child and family. We invite you to fill out a Free Consultation Form for more information.

Parent’s Universal Resource Expert’s™ are parents helping parents. As a parent that experienced and survived a difficult teen, we believe that desperate parents are at high risk of making rash and detrimental decisions in choosing the best placement for their child. Please take a moment to read my story – “A Parent’s True Story” – which is one the reasons this organization was created.

As a member of the Better Business Bureau for many years we are an organization that prides ourselves in helping others and bringing families back together.

There are many Doctors, Attorney’s, Therapists, Police Departments, Schools, Guidance Counselors, and other professionals that refer Parent’s Universal Resource’s to families. In many cases, after a family has used our service, they recommend us to their friends and relatives. We have built our reputation on trust and putting families first. At Parent’s Universal Resource’s we believe in bringing families back together.

In searching for schools and programs we look for the following:

Helping Teens – not Harming Them
Building them up – not Breaking them down
Positive and Nurturing Environments – not Punitive
Family Involvement in Programs – not Isolation from the teen
Protect Children – not Punish them

Sue Scheff; How to Bully-Proof Your Child with ADHD

Help your child stand up to teasing at school with these smart playground strategies.

Source: ADDitude Magazine

Teasing and playful banter are an inevitable part of childhood, but children with attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD) often don't know how to respond. Parents should encourage their children to stand up to teasing without overreacting, which might escalate the problem.

Alert your child's teachers and school principal about any bullying, and let the school take care of the situation.

Suggest that the school establish antibullying rules, if it hasn't already done so.

Encourage your child to stay calm in the face of the bullying. He might count to 10 or take a few deep breaths before responding. Help him brainstorm some good comebacks. He could agree with the bully: "I am overweight. Maybe I should go on a diet." Or he could preempt taunts by saying, "Hi, what are you going to tease me about today?" The key is to remain emotionally detached.

Teach your child to yell, "Ouch! Stop that!" each time he's taunted. That will attract an adult's attention without his tattling.

Encourage your child to stand up straight, make eye contact, and speak in a firm, authoritative tone. If the bullying seems to have a specific, petty target - like the type of cap your son wears on the bus - have him leave it home for a few days.

Ask your child for a daily progress report, and offer abundant encouragement.

Sue Scheff: Stop Teen Sexual Abuse

As a parent advocate, I don’t only hear from parents, I hear from teens. Joni Poole is someone very special. Joni has possessed strength, dignity and courage through some horrific events. She is no longer a victim - she is a survivor and one that has a strong message to all others. She has created a website and advocacy group (Sexual Abuse, Sexual Assault and Rape Awareness) to educate others and hopefully prevent sexual abuse and assualt. Take a moment to read her story and pass it on - you don’t know who may benefit.

Here is Joni’s story - and please read her website at http://www.saaraonline.org/:

My name is Joni Poole. I am a 17 year old Senior in high school. I am telling my story in hopes that it will help others who have been a victim of a sexual crime. I have also provided Public Information, from the Georgia Department of Corrections, about my offender within my story.
On August 22, 2007, I was at work at a Toy Breed Dog Kennel. Near the end of my shift, around 7:45 P.M., I was raped by my second cousin/co-worker/manager, Martin Malone Griffin.

As soon as I could leave my workplace, I immediately began calling my mother from my cell phone. I drove about a mile down the road to her job. We then went to the hospital and had a rape kit performed. This began the process of pressing charges. From that moment on, the next year of my life would become a living nightmare. Investigators did not want to believe me. They told us that there was no way it was rape. Due to me turning 16 nineteen days prior (the assault happened August 22, 2007 and my 16th birthday was August 3, 2007) to the attack, Marty could not be arrested for statutory rape.

DNA tests were performed and proved that the he was in fact the perpetrator of the crime. The magistrate judge would not give us a warrant for his arrest due to lack of evidence, so he said. Although by law, all that is needed to secure a warrant is probable cause. We had probable cause and DNA evidence, which was more than enough for a warrant. However, no matter what others said, I was not going to give up.

The day the Magistrate Judge told us there was no probable cause, we turned to the Assistant District Attorney. Much to my relief she wanted to help. She was enraged at how I had been treated by the Magistrate Court and decided to pursue the case. The case was brought before a Grand Jury. I had to testify and tell the Jury my account of what happened. This was extremely hard and embarrassing for me. The Grand Jury agreed to issue a warrant for his arrest. A few weeks later we went back to court for jury selection. The jury was chosen and trial was set for the next day. However, the original investigator hurt himself in an accident and would not be able to attend court. Therefore, court was rescheduled for September 22, 2008, 1 year and 1 month after the rape occurred.

Due to court being postponed, we had to pick a new jury Monday, September 22, 2008. Our case was possibly going to have to be postponed once again due to the two other criminal cases ahead of us. However, the two cases ahead of us plead out, therefore, our case was moved up to Wednesday, September 24. We began trial at 2:00 pm. on Wednesday. After opening arguments, it was time for me to testify.

I was so scared and nervous. I could not stand the thought of being in the same room as the man who had raped me. The questions I was asked were difficult and embarrassing to answer. I felt terrified, embarrassed, angry, and experienced many other emotions the entire time I was on the stand. I also had to stand in front of the Jury and show them a map of the building I had drawn to give them an illustration of where the rape took place. After the Assistant District Attorney asked me questions, it was time for me to be cross-examined by the Defense Attorney.

He asked very difficult and sometimes confusing questions. However, I stood strong and did not let him shake me. I kept my eyes focused on the Jury, my family and supporters, and the Assistant District Attorney. I did this because to look at Marty would cause to experience flashbacks of the rape.

I was already weeping from the questions and having to remember and tell every detail. I did not need to have a panic attack. I can remember looking out into the crowd to my aunt and other family members crying. They were there in support of me, but they had never heard my full story. They did not expect me to be interrogated like I was that day.

After I finished testifying I was released and asked to return to the witness room. I felt satisfied with my testimony and so was the Assistant District Attorney. A few more people testified Wednesday and the case was put on hold until the next day. We began trial again the next morning.

The last of the witnesses testified Thursday morning. After testimonies were finished it was time for closing arguments. The defense attorney called me a “liar” many times and said, “if my client is convicted based on a liar’s testimony, then we need to burn this courthouse down and plant a turnip patch.” He also tried to discredit me many times. After closing arguments the Judge told us to remain at the courthouse until the verdict was reached. She charged the jury. They were told what the charges were and the definition of each charge. He was charged with:

Count 1: Rape

…[Rape occurs when sex is non-consensual (not agreed upon), or a person forces another person to have sex against his or her will. It also can occur when the victim is intoxicated from alcohol or drugs. Rape includes intercourse in the vagina, anus, or mouth. It is a felony offense, which means it is among the most serious crimes a person can commit. Rape is a crime that can happen to men, women, or children.]…

Count 2: False Imprisonment

…[The illegal confinement of one individual against his or her will by another individual in such a manner as to violate the confined individual's right to be free from restraint of movement.]…
Count 3: Sexual Battery

…[A person commits the offense of sexual battery when he or she intentionally makes physical contact with the intimate parts of the body of another person without the consent of that person.]…

After charges were read, the Jury went to the Jury room for deliberation. Marty was offered a plea bargain of 1 year in boot camp, 10 years probation, and Sex Offender Registry. He was able to accept this verdict until the Jury came back with a verdict. However, he REFUSED this lenient deal, several times. After 2 and 1/2 hours the Jury came back with their verdict.
The Jury’s verdict was…

-Count 1: Rape…GUILTY-

Count 2: False Imprisonment…NOT GUILTY-

Count 3: Sexual Battery…GUILTY

Contact Joni at jnpoole_2009@hotmail.com - her mission is to spread the word and help others.

You can join S.A.A.R.A. Fan Club on Facebook too! Help carry her message throughout the world!

I received an email from a mother that almost lost her son to this game. She is now part of an advocacy group to help inform and educate others about this choking game. She understands she almost lost her son, as a matter of fact, she thought she had. Miraculously, her son survived after several days in a coma following this incident. As a parent advocate, I always encourage others to share their stories, mistakes, experiences etc in an effort to help others. This is one of the many parents that is hoping you will learn from her firsthand experiences.

Source: G.A.S.P.

It’s not a game at all—just an act of suffocating on purpose.
Adolescents cut off the flow of blood to the brain, in exchange for a few seconds of feeling lightheaded. Some strangle themselves with a belt, a rope or their bare hands; others push on their chest or hyperventilate.

When they release the pressure, blood that was blocked up floods the brain all at once. This sets off a warm and fuzzy feeling, which is just the brain dying, thousands of cells at a time.

Personal Note from a Mother:

Holding my son, as he took his first breath of life, for the second time took my breath away. He got a second chance to make a better choice. What I witnessed defies logic and reason. I made a choice to quit trying to understand, and instead pour my passionate gratitude for his life into advocacy work - to be a ripple in the wave of some much needed change. Stopping this behavior only starts with awareness. Ed4Ed is a program of education for educators. I consider all who possess knowledge, all upon acquiring it who connect with youth, care for and/or guide them, are then in turn ambassadors of that truth – incumbent educators.

When I am personally presenting from the materials of the program, I conclude by passing that torch to those with whom I speak. This deadly activity, masquerading as a “game” is an international problem, with a simple solution, educate! Give our kids the facts and they’ll make a better choice. Once he became aware of what had happened, Levi just shook his head and said “I didn’t know, Mom. People pass out all the time. I didn’t know.” Not one boy in the 500 that attended his boarding school knew the facts. They studied physics, science, biology and anatomy. None thought of it as anything more than a parlor trick, something new to try, not drugs, not alcohol – just a game. When we know better, we do better. When they know better, they will too.

http://www.adobe.com/products/reader * Version 9*Videos - are created in an MPEG-4 Movie FormatQuick Time - Is a compatible free downloadable software, - Current Version 7.6http://www.apple.com/quicktime/download

Sue Scheff: Parent Communication with Teens

I hear all the time how parents can’t talk to their teens, or should we say, can’t get our teens to listen. In many situations it is how we as parents approach our teens. It seems like a game, but the end result is worth it. Opening up the lines of communication can be critical in today’s teen generation. Here is a great tip list from Shoulder to Shoulder.
Source: Shoulder to Shoulder

When talking with teens, keep the following in mind:

IT’S ALL ABOUT THE APPROACH.

Don’t blast teens with “20 questions” when they first walk in the door. Catch them when they are genuinely ready to talk. However, you may have to create that moment by going out for ice cream, taking a bike ride or working on a project together.

If you’re upset with your teen, you can’t solve a problem effectively. Give yourself some time to cool down before addressing the issue.

Keep the situation in perspective. It’s normal for teens to push the boundaries. Let them experience how to question what they see, and to develop skills in reasoning with you. That way, they will learn to think for themselves to deal with peer pressure and other teen issues.

ARE YOU READY TO TALK?

Avoid telling teens “this is how it’s going to be.” Be respectful by asking for their perspective of the situation - and really listen to them. Try to find a solution together.

Pose your questions as open-ended questions instead of yes-no questions.

Don’t accept “I don’t know” as a response. Instead try, “Tell me how you see it.”

Tell a joke or humorous story to relieve a tense situation, but don’t make fun of teens. Their self-esteem can be fragile.

Don’t solve problems for them. Our teens will not be living with us forever. To let them grow, we should look for opportunities for them to make their own decisions.

Get right to the point and be clear about your concerns. Explain why you feel the way you do, and then describe what you want or need in the future. Be ready to listen to what your teen needs, too.

If you already know the answer, don’t ask the question. For example, if you clearly disapprove of your teen’s outfit, don’t ask, “What are you wearing?!” Instead, you might try, “I’m concerned about that outfit. It’s revealing and I don’t want others to get the wrong idea about you. Please choose something else.”

Teens know they can wear down most adults with sheer repetition and persistence. When a discussion has reached the “wheel spinning” point, end it. To continue is to ask for trouble, as frustration may cause things to be said that we’ll regret.

Listen up. If teens see us as adults that will not listen to them, they will stop talking to us. Force yourself to listen. If necessary, count to 100 before responding and avoid giving unwanted advice or lecturing.

Tell them often how much you love them.

PRINTABLE VERSION FOR DOWNLOAD

You’ll need Adobe Acrobat Reader to view the following PDF version of this section. If you don’t already have the program, you can download it for free here.

Talking with teens.pdf

Sue Scheff: These Mom Knows Best

These Moms Know Best is a website that combines parenting with great insight and ideas for moms!

As a parent, do you and your teenager have challenging mornings on school days? Are you wondering what you can do to help make your school mornings less stressful? Here are 6 tips to help you and your teenager experience a stress free school morning.

Visit: http://www.thesemomsknowbest.com/categories/Motherhood/Teens/ for more!

Citizen Leadership by Sue Scheff

As American citizens, we find ourselves in a privileged and unique position as members of the most powerful Democratic state in the entire world. But the luxuries we enjoy in this country come with a powerful responsibility—the responsibility of positive citizenship. We must all embrace our unique ability to be good citizens, and we must maintain our civic duty by helping the community around us through positive civic involvement. This site is dedicated to helping show people how they can be a positive part of their community and truly embrace the ideal of a good citizen.

My name is Sue Scheff™, and I’ve been working to help promote proper parenting techniques and information through Parent’s Universal Resource Experts, an organization I created in 2001 that helps compile information and share parenting knowledge among an ever expanding network of concerned families. I want to use this web site to share some of the things I’ve learned through my involvement with parenting advocacy, and extend this knowledge to the idea of promoting good citizenship, because if we are going to become good parents in this troubled world, we must set proper examples for our children, and what better example to set then being a good citizen?Read more.

Sue Scheff: Teens Skip Condoms - Risk STD's

Source: Connect with Kids

“It is hard just living with HIV, cause I feel just like I’m a ticking time bomb, just one day, eventually I’m going to have to go.”

– Danielle, diagnosed HIV positive at age 17

When she was 17-years-old, Danielle found out she was HIV positive. She contracted the virus because she had sex without a condom, despite warnings from her teachers and even her mom.

“She always used to tell me, ‘You’re going to catch something you can’t get rid of.’ And I did,” Danielle says.

Danielle, who doesn’t want us to use her real name, says when she got the AIDS virus, it helped her to remember that she was a mother.

“I was scared. I was thinking about… first thing I thought about was I was going to die. I wanted to kill myself, but I had to keep strong for my son.”

One in four teens will contract an STD, according to the Centers for Disease Control. And most have learned about condoms in sex education classes.

But as AIDS educator, Zina Age explains, teens often think it won’t happen to them, “They still think that they are invincible, they still think that they are not going to get the virus, and some people think, especially children, that there is medication that they can take if they actually get the virus.”

She says there is so much misinformation about AIDS that education is crucial.

Still, it didn’t work for Danielle. “I knew all about safe sex and all that. But I didn’t listen. I was hard-headed. I wanted to do my own thing,” she says.

Ideally, experts say, abstinence is safest, but if you think your child is sexually active, or will soon be, an open and honest talk about risk can help.

“If they ask you a specific question, they are ready for the answer,” says Age. “Because if you don’t answer that question, they are going to go get it from somewhere else, and a lot of times that information is incorrect.”

Tips for Parents
Teens are very concerned about possible infection with the HIV virus, and desperately want to know more about ways to prevent the disease. Parents can be an invaluable source of information about HIV/AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases in general. Unfortunately, some parents still do not feel comfortable discussing issues associated with sex and sexual intercourse with their children. Given the deadly nature of this particular disease, it is imperative that parents find a way that is comfortable for them to discuss this subject with their children and teens.

What adolescents need to know in order to make decisions that will protect them from HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases is typically more extensive and detailed than what most younger children need to know. For example, because HIV is spread through unprotected sexual intercourse or sharing drug needles and syringes, teens need to learn about abstinence and, depending on the family’s values, about sex, condoms, drug use, hygiene, etc. Because alcohol and drugs can cloud thinking, teens need to learn that using these substances can cause them to make decisions that can put them at risk.

Teens also must learn to distinguish myths from facts about HIV infection and AIDS. They need to learn about the issues that the disease poses for society, such as the importance of opposing prejudice and discrimination. Discussing all of these things will help equip teens to make decisions that can prevent the spread of HIV infection and AIDS.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, parents initiating a conversation with their teen about HIV and AIDS might consider including the following points in that conversation:

Provide the adolescent with a definition of AIDS. For example, explain that AIDS stands for acquired immunodeficiency syndrome. It is a condition in which the body’s immune system breaks down. Because the immune system fails, a person with AIDS typically develops a variety of life-threatening illnesses that almost always prove fatal.
Give a definition of HIV infection. The adolescent needs to understand that AIDS is caused by a virus that scientists call human immunodeficiency virus, or HIV. Once a person is infected, he or she can infect others, even if no symptoms are present. The fact that other STD’s share this characteristic provides an excellent opportunity to expand the conversation to include other sexually transmitted diseases should the opportunity feel right. Point out that a special blood test can detect HIV.
Explain how HIV is transmitted from one person to another. The adolescent needs to clearly understand that there are two primary ways that people become infected with HIV:
by engaging in unprotected sexual intercourse (vaginal, anal, or oral) with an infected person; or
by sharing drug needles or syringes with an infected person.
A parent might want to point out that women who are infected with HIV can pass it on to their babies during pregnancy, birth, or breast-feeding. The fact that some people have become infected through receiving blood transfusions might also be pointed out. Although these cases are rare, the fact that a parent knows about them and mentions them can only add to their credibility in discussing such an important subject.
Explain how to reduce the risk for HIV infection from sex. The easiest way to avoid getting HIV from sex is to not have sex. Abstinence is the only sure protection. This may seem simplistic in the face of the significant rates of sexual activity reported by teens in today’s society. However, it does provide an opening to discuss some of the values that your family stands for in regard to premarital sex. Reinforce the fact that if the adolescent does chose to have sexual intercourse, they should not feel ashamed to wait until they are in a long-term, mutually faithful relationship, such as marriage, with an uninfected partner.
Remind them of some of the realistic values of choosing not to have intercourse including:
Virtually guaranteeing their safety from all sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV infection. Point out that approximately every 11 seconds a teen in the U.S. gets a sexually transmitted disease.
Providing the teen with additional time to be sure they are physically and emotionally ready to engage in a sexual relationship.
Providing them with more time to learn and understand more about the physical and emotional aspects of sexual relationships.
Avoiding unwanted pregnancy. Some sources report that approximately every 30 seconds a teen in the U.S. gets pregnant.
If a teen makes the decision to engage in sexual intercourse outside of a mutually faithful, long-term relationship with an uninfected partner, it is imperative that they use a latex condom whenever having any type of sexual intercourse. Remind them that any partner who would refuse to use a condom is putting them at risk for catching diseases that may be fatal, incurable, or both. Considering this fact might just help the teen to battle against feeling pressured to participate in sexual activity about which he or she is unsure.
Tell the teen straight away that there are no circumstances under which they can assume it is safe to have sexual intercourse with people who may be infected with HIV. This includes people who have:
injected drugs
had multiple or anonymous sex partners
had any sexually transmitted diseases
The adolescent also needs to know that there is no way to tell, short of a blood test, whether a person is infected with HIV. They have to assume that every potential sexual partner may have been exposed to or infected with the HIV virus.

Finally, reinforce the critical importance of avoiding making decisions about sexual intercourse while under the influence of alcohol or other drugs. These substances can cloud their judgment and cause them to take risks that put them in danger of becoming infected with HIV.

References
Kaiser Family Foundation
Centers for Disease Control & Prevention
Bradley Hasbro Research Center