Teen Partying - Pros and Cons by Vanessa Van Petten

Parties are a regular occurrence during the course of a teenager’s high school career. They typically involve bad DJing, a lot of red plastic cups, and plenty of people. They can be a lot of fun, but they can also have unfavorable endings if you don’t act responsibly.
Pros

It’s a great way to meet new people

There is usually a good mix of classmates, familiar and unknown, and students from other school. Attending a party can provide you with the opportunity to encounter a new group of characters outside your usual circle of friends. It’s always fun to make new acquaintances and create new ties.

Fun way to de-stress after the school week

Who doesn’t want to kick back and unwind after a long week of tests and homework? Parties are entertaining, adult-free social gatherings where we can just relax and be ourselves. There’s no pressure from parents to be serious and mature. Instead, we can be silly and giggly, far away from the demands of the scholastic atmosphere.

The “high school experience”

Fun, carefree, and sometimes secret house parties have a short lifespan. Once you’re out of high school and onto college, your schedule becomes increasingly busy. Your mind is no longer solely occupied with the latest drama in the locker room and what you plan on doing over the weekend. Suddenly you have a nightly paper to write and career choices to make. Once responsibility has taken over, you’ll become less available for late-night-partying and more focused on what you want to do with your life when school’s over. So enjoy your worry-free time and make the most of it.

Cons

ALCOHOL

I’ve found that the negative side of partying tends to be centered around the underage drinking part. Even though it is illegal to purchase alcohol until you are at the ripe old age of 21, teens don’t usually have a problem getting their hands on it. Besides the easy access at home, there are a lot of places that either don’t card or don’t pay much attention to fake IDs.

Unpleasant Side Effects

It doesn’t take very much alcohol for teenagers to get “the buzz”, and the consumption generally doesn’t stop at that point. In addition using alcohol as party refreshments, drinking games like Quarters and Beerpong are both common and popular. The ingestion of large amounts of alcohol at a time can lead to all kinds of undesirable side effects. They include: dizziness, memory loss, slurred speech, nausea, intense headaches, sensitivity to noise, poor judgment, impaired coordination and dexterity, and vomiting.

Boredom

When you’ve opted not to drink, and EVERYONE else is drinking, a party can become very dull, very fast. “Drunkards” or drunken teens usually find anything and everything around them to be hilarious and amusing. Their speech is slurred and their thought process has been altered, making it difficult to hold a conversation with them. When you are sober, this scene may not seem quite so comical. Instead, all you’ll see is a bunch of teenagers, falling all over themselves laughing and doing things that are totally out of character. And you’re the one who ends up sitting on the couch for the rest of the night, watching all your drunken friends enjoy themselves.

My advice: Have a good time but be cautious. It’s fine to get together and hang out with friends but it’s always good to be aware of your surroundings and be mindful of the consequences of your actions.

Visit http://www.onteenstoday.com/ for more information.

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Military Schools will be opening soon - Is it right for your child?

I hear from many parents at this time of the year that their children are struggling academically and they are considering Military Schools.

As a reminder, Military Schools are an excellent opportunity for boys and girls that need motivation and stimulation, however your child has to have somewhat of a desire to attend.These are not schools for at-risk or troubled kids.

I think Military Schools offer a great sense of responsibility and discipline for children.If you think your child may do well in a Military School take the time to research them. Email me for more information at www.helpyourteens.com - As a parent, my son attended a Military School and it was an excellent education and experience.

Why My Child Can't Behave

By Jane Hersey
Author of "Why My Child Can't Behave"


Many things can lead to the development of behavior problems in children, and there are many ways to address them.

If the reasons for a child's problems stem from a family situation, interaction with peers, events at school, etc., then the place to look for resolution is clearly there. But if the child has always been hard to parent, the answers might be as close as your kitchen pantry. Here are some children whose families have found answers in their kitchen.

Joshua had a history of social and behavior problems and was expelled from several day care centers and private schools. He did not cope well in special classrooms with a ratio of six children and three teachers. His diagnoses included: severe ADHD, ODD (oppositional defiant disorder), OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), Tourette syndrome and mood disorder syndrome. He was angry, aggressive, compulsive, threatening to kill others and himself, and nothing helped. The counseling, drugs, and even the psychiatric facility did not impact on his downward spiral.

Betsy was only 7 years old, but was haunted by thoughts of death; one of the pieces of art work she brought home from school was a black paper with three tombstones, bearing the initials of her parents and herself. She quietly planned on ways that she could end her life, which held no joy for her despite a loving family that desperately tried to help her.

Sean was expelled from preschool for his violent aggression and uncontrollable behavior. His family tried a therapeutic preschool, and he was at risk of being kicked out of a hospital treatment center because even they could not deal with this little boy's behavior. No amount of medicine controlled his “bi-polar behavior” and psychotic episodes, and his parents were told that Sean was “seriously mentally ill” and would require life-long support.

Frank had a history of violent behaviors and at age 17 it was only a matter of time before he would be incarcerated. But he heard about a special diet and decided he wanted to try it. His meeting with the doctor who was using this diet to help children like Frank, Sean, Betsy and Joshua meant flying from Tennessee to California. Because his mother was afraid of him, Frank's older brother accompanied him to visit with the doctor, Ben Feingold, who was chief of allergy at the Kaiser-Permanente Medical Center in California.

Dr. Feingold discovered that some of the many chemicals routinely added to foods have the ability to affect any system of the body, including the brain. When a child is predisposed to be sensitive to these chemicals, they can wreak havoc. In order for a brain to function well, there are many chemical and electrical processes that must work appropriately; in other words, a lot things have to “go right.” When you add in a potent chemical such as an illicit drug (or even a legal one) our brain chemistry can be dramatically affected. Our bodies handle food additives and drugs in a similar manner.

All of these children described above have stories with happy endings once the offending chemicals were identified and removed. Joshua is an outstanding young man who has won numerous honors in school, in sports, and is a leader in an Air Force program for future officers.

Betsy is a normal, happy girl, Frank is a successful adult and Sean has no remnants of any “permanent mental disorder.” In fact, his mom reports he has recently joined the church choir.

Our bodies are composed of the food we eat; this is where we obtain nutrients of all types, including essential fatty acids, trace minerals and the many vitamins a healthy human body requires. But more and more children are no longer consuming food. Instead they are existing on a diet of synthetic substances that do not deliver the needed components to keep bodies working well and keep our brains operating rationally. These so-called foods might look like real food, fooling our eyes. They might even taste like food, fooling out taste buds. But our bodies are not fooled and when they do not receive the nutrients they need in order to function, things begin to go wrong. In addition to the nutrients they do not receive children today are ingesting a chemical stew of foodless ingredients, many of which are derived from crude oil (petroleum).

Dr. Feingold's experience with troubled children showed that there are a few food additives that appear to be the worst offenders, and removing them brought about significant – often dramatic – changes in behavior, mood, and the ability to focus and learn. These additives include synthetic food dyes (such as Yellow 5 and Red 40); they are created from crude oil, and most of the dyes added to our food start out in petroleum refineries in China. Common preservatives, artificial flavors and even fragrances typically are created from petroleum; rose petals no longer are the source of those pretty scents!

The Feingold diet has been helping families for decades, and the non-profit Feingold Association continues to offer information and support to those who want to learn more. Parent volunteers show others how they can find the foods they enjoy, but minus the unwanted additives; most of them are available at neighborhood supermarkets. See www.feingold.org .

In addition to removing the offensive additives, researchers have found the many benefits of adding supplements to nutrient-starved bodies.

Researchers at Oxford University have shown that the behavior of young male prisoners calmed down when their diet was supplemented with a combination of vitamins, minerals and essential fatty acids (EFAs). Other British research has shown the dramatic benefits of the EFAs, including help for children with ADHD and autism. In the US EFA research has been ongoing at Purdue University for many years.

When nourishing food was given to teens in juvenile detention facilites the improved behavior was documented. And when the Appleton Alternative High School in Wisconsin switched from the usual school food to fresh, healthy food, the behavior problems evaporated and learning improved.

Another risk factor for children with behavior and learning problems.

The drugs that are generally given to children with these problems offer additional concerns. While they may bring about improvements, they are not risk-free. The Food and Drug Administration now requires ADHD drugs to carry warning labels that some children might have reactions that include:

psychotic behavior, depression, suicidal thoughts, hallucinations, violence, as well as a host of health effects including cancer, liver damage, strokes and heart attacks.

Risk factors with antidepressants and related drugs

Psychotropic drugs are routinely given to children who are diagnosed as depressed, bi-polar, etc., and these also carry warnings that side effects can include depression and violent behaviors. It can be difficult to sort out whether a behavior is originating within the child or is a side effect of some of the medications he is taking. The fact that all of these drugs are now being given to children who are still infants raises many red flags. Who knows what long-term effects they will have?

While it's comforting to think that only a minority of children experience the most dangerous reactions, the number of children now being medicated means that a minority can be a very large number of children. (It has been estimated that 10% of all 10-year-old boys in the United States are now on drugs for ADHD.)

A new awareness in Europe

The scientific evidence for the harm caused by petroleum-based food dyes is now so compelling that the British government is seeking to ban them and the European Parliament has voted to require warning labels on foods that contain them. While dyes are not the only additives that can cause adverse reactions, they are the most notorious, the easiest to replace, and offer no value to the consumer.

So, for the child whose behavior has gone over the edge, or if you worry that your youngster is on this path, one simple change that you can implement with no risk, very little cost, and relatively small effort, is to replace those mixes, cookies, candies, sodas, and fast food with nearly-identical versions that are free of the worst of the additives. And while you're at it, try eating the good food yourself; every parent needs to have their brain cells working at optimum levels as they deal with that temporary insanity called “adolescence.”

Body Image in Teens by Sarah Maria

Body Image in Teens

If you're in high school, most of your friends are probably on a diet. A recent study shows that 90% of junior and senior girls are on a diet regularly, even though only 10-15% are actually overweight.

The modeling industry also promotes the idea that you need to diet and exercise religiously. Fashion models are actually thinner than 98% of American women. An average woman stands 5'4" tall and weighs about 140 lbs, while the average fashion model is a towering 5'11" tall and weighs under 117 lbs.

In reality no amount of dieting, exercise and discipline can earn you a magazine cover-ready body because those photos have been Photo Shopped, doctored and airbrushed. Don't waste your time attempting to be what you are not, instead; focus on cultivating who you are!

Body Image Tips
As you progress through puberty and your high school years, your body changes as fast as your favorite ringtones. But learning to appreciate your body and have positive self image is a task that few adults have even mastered. Here are some tips to help you learn to love yourself:

Learn to Cook- It is never too early to learn to cook. In just a few years, you will be on your own and you will be expected to feed and take care of yourself. Get some practice at home by preparing some family meals or meals for just yourself. Try some new foods by looking through cookbooks and online. Impress your friends by having a dinner party. This also helps you understand how food functions within a regular diet. Learn how to cook healthily so you can eat healthily, but don't spend too much time worrying about food!

Don't Diet!- Dieting is a great way to ruin your eating habits and your relationship with food and your body. Instead, learn about healthy eating and exercise habits. The healthy habits you learn while you are young will serve you throughout your life!

People Watch- Go to the mall or a public space and people watch. How many are fat or thin? How tall are most women? Men? What do you like or dislike about people's styles, looks or body type? How much of their appearance is "style" and how much is their actual body types? Cultivate the ability to see style and beauty in everyone. As you learn to do this, you can be a trend-setter instead of a trend-follower.

Keep it Real- Remember, people only pick the best photos to be on their MySpace or Facebook page. Remind yourself that they all have bad hair days, the occasional zit or an unflattering outfit choice.

Stay Well Rounded- Sign up for activities that you have never tried. Join an intramural sport or speech meet. Build up your college resume by participating in extracurricular activities. It's a great way to broaden your social circle and prepares you for college or a job.

Be a Trend Setter- Don't just follow the crowd - create your own crowd by being a trend setter. Find your own style and look by experimenting with your hair, makeup and clothing. What is your look trying to say? Does it match what you want people to think about you? Someone has to set the trends. Why not you?

Learn to meditate- It is never too early to learn to meditate. You will find that this is a skill you can use all your life. By focusing inward, it is easier to distill the truth rather than listening to outside influences. It will also help you manage the stress of your busy life.


Parental Tips

If you are a parent of a teen, you know the challenges of living with an emotional, possibly aloof teenager who begs for guidance but disregards most of what you say. Their alternating moods and attitudes make approaching a touchy subject like body image feels dangerous. The following are some tips to help with a positive body image:

Have an Open Door Policy-You'd like your teen to approach you with any problem she is facing but often you aren't sure if she's coming to you, going to her friends or suffering alone. Encourage regular candid conversation by noticing what times and places your teen is most likely to talk. Is she a night owl? Does she talking on a long drive? Is she more comfortable emailing? Use the time and venue that is most comfortable for her and encourage open sharing.

Limit Harmful Media- Put your teen daughter on a media diet. Don't feel you need to restrict website, magazine or TV shows entirely. Just be cautious of what mediums she concentrates on. Be especially mindful of any one celebrity that she idolizes or photos that she tears out and stares at repeatedly. Discuss how all magazine photos are airbrushed and doctored.

Compliment Her and Her Friends- Make a point to compliment both your daughter and her friends on a well-put together outfit or a new hair style. Teens are trying on new looks and personalities as their bodies change. Let them know that they have hit on a good look when they experiment in the right direction.

Make sure to compliment them on things not related to their appearance as well. A good grade, a valiant sports effort or kind deed also deserve notice. Try to practice a 90/10% rule. Let 90% of your comments and insights be positive and only 10% should be carefully worded constructive criticism.

Resources:

Health AtoZ: Is it a Diet or an Eating Disorder?


Eating Disorder Statistics
http://www.freewebs.com/anadeath/statistics.htm

Sue Scheff: Are you struggling with your teen?

Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?

Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.

Sexual Harassment by Connect with Kids

“Guys grab my butt… it happens all the time.”

– Louisa, 15 years old

Talk to girls in high schools across the country, and you‘ll hear similar stories about being inappropriately touched in the hallways.

“One of my friends, I mean every single day like guys would hit her butt,” says 14-year-old Jordan.

“Like guys grab my butt, and I just turn around and ‘stop’” adds 15-year-old Louisa.

Apparently there’s a lot of sexual touching and talking going on in school hallways. A new study from U-C Santa Cruz finds that 90 percent of girls report experiencing sexual harassment, including demeaning comments, unwanted attention and physical contact.

But many kids are having trouble with deciding when and how to say no.

“Sometimes you like it when it happens, but sometimes you get confused like should, is this wrong or is this right?” says 12-year-old Zahra.

Experts on the issue suggest the problem is that when it comes to sexual harassment, like other things in a child’s life, they still struggle to separate fantasy from reality.

“They have to differentiate when is it o-k to behave like that, like the movies show, and when is it not o-k. We didn’t have to make that distinction as kids. We knew it was inappropriate,” says counselor Denise Poe.

In and effort to clarify that kind of confusion, expert say both girls and boys should be taught to listen to their own intuition. If a conversation or physical advance feels wrong, it probably is. Kids should understand clearly, that when that happens, it’s not only o-k, but absolutely necessary to say “stop.”

“Let kids know that these behaviors are wrong, that they are harmful, and to let them know what to do if they are faced with that situation. Because maybe dad is telling them boys will be boys and they’re getting other messages from their friends from their family, and we want to tell them no, this will not be tolerated,” says Poe.

Tips for Parents

Sexual harassment in schools is defined as any unwanted, uninvited sexual attention. It may involve remarks, gestures, or actions of a sexual nature that make a person feel unsafe or uncomfortable and that creates an intimidating, hostile or offensive learning environment.

This means that a student is being sexually harassed when someone imposes unwanted and uninvited sexual attention on them. It can occur between people of the same gender, or people of different genders. Sexual harassment can include saying sexual things, making sexual jokes, making sexual gestures, and touching someone in a sexual way.

Here are some examples of student-to-student sexual harassment. To be considered sexual harassment, these behaviors must be unwelcome by the victim.

unwanted, unwelcome physical contact like touching, grabbing or patting;
demeaning nicknames like "chick," "sexy," "stud," or "babe;"
homophobic name calling like "fag", "dyke", "lezzie" or "queer"
cat calls, rating or embarrassing whistles;
insulting remarks about sexual orientation;
sexually insulting remarks about race, gender, ability or class;
bragging about sexual prowess for others to hear;
intimidating hallway behavior;
names written on walls or desks -"for a good time, call ;"
stalking (i.e., following someone)

It is not:

hug between friends;
mutual flirtation.
Although primarily considered an issue affecting adult women in the workplace, there is increasing evidence that student-to-student sexual harassment is growing more prevalent in scholastic environs. Studies have shown that up to 90 percent of the girls and 76 percent of the boys have experienced sexual harassment.

Surveys have also found:

although both girls and boys experience sexual harassment at alarming rates, sexual harassment takes a greater toll on girls
girls who have been harassed are more afraid in school and feel less confident about themselves than boys who have been harassed
sexual harassment in school begins early;
students are harassed by boys and girls;
girls of all races experience more sexual harassment than do boys
Recommendations

According to the U. S. Department of Education, “Sexual harassment can occur at any school activity and can take place in classrooms, halls, cafeterias, dormitories and other areas. Too often, the behavior is allowed to continue simply because students and employees are not informed about what sexual harassment is or how to stop it. Students, parents and school staff must be able to recognize sexual harassment, and understand what they can do to prevent it from occurring and how to stop it if it does occur.

Harassing behavior, if ignored or not reported, is likely to continue and become worse, rather than go away. The impact of sexual harassment on a student's educational progress and attainment of future goals can be significant and should not be underestimated. As a result of sexual harassment, a student may, for example, have trouble learning, drop a class or drop out of school altogether, lose trust in school officials, become isolated, fear for personal safety, or lose self-esteem.

For these reasons, a school should not accept, tolerate or overlook sexual harassment. A school should not excuse the harassment with an attitude of "that's just emerging adolescent sexuality" or "boys will be boys," or ignore it for fear of damaging a professor's reputation. This does nothing to stop the sexual harassment and can even send a message that such conduct is accepted or tolerated by the school. When a school makes it clear that sexual harassment will not be tolerated, trains its staff, and appropriately responds when harassment occurs, students will see the school as a safe place where everyone can learn.”

Sexual harassment involves situations in which the person doing the behavior has more power than the person experiencing the behavior. This means that it can be very difficult for students to solve these problems on their own. Tell your parents or a teacher about the problems you are experiencing.

Here are some things you can do:

It is the responsibility of your school to make the school safe for you. Only do the things recommended below if you are comfortable doing them.

If you are not comfortable, then get help from a teacher or counselor.
Be assertive.
Write the harasser a letter.
Document Incidents.
Check with other students.
File a formal complaint.

References
University of California- Santa Cruz
LaMarsh Research Centre: Information And Advice on Student-to-Student Sexual Harassment -
U.S. Department of Education Office of Civil Rights: Sexual Harassment: It’s Not Academic
Hostile Hallways: The AAUW Survey on Sexual Harassment in America's Schools -
Too Many Teens Suffer Sexual Harassment

Troubled Teens, Struggling Teens, At risk Teens, Out of Control Teens, by Sue Scheff

Are you at your wit’s end?

Are you experiencing any of the following situations or feeling at a complete loss or a failure as a parent? You are not alone and by being a proactive parent you are taking the first step towards healing and bringing your family back together.

• Is your teen escalating out of control?
• Is your teen becoming more and more defiant and disrespectful?
• Is your teen manipulative? Running your household?
• Are you hostage in your own home by your teen’s negative behavior?
• Is your teen angry, violent or rage outbursts?
• Is your teen verbally abusive?
• Is your teen rebellious, destructive and withdrawn?
• Is your teen aggressive towards others or animals?
• Is your teen using drugs and/or alcohol?
• Does your teen belong to a gang?
• Do they frequently runaway or leave home for extended periods of time?
• Has their appearance changed – piercing, tattoo’s, inappropriate clothing?
• Has your teen stopped participating in sports, clubs, church and family functions? Have they become withdrawn from society?
• Is your teen very intelligent yet not working up to their potential? Underachiever? Capable of doing the work yet not interested in education.
• Does he/she steal?
• Is your teen sexually active?
• Teen pregnancy?
• Is your teen a good kid but making bad choices?
• Undesirable peers? Is your teen a follower or a leader?
• Low self esteem and low self worth?
• Lack of motivation? Low energy?
• Mood Swings? Anxiety?
• Teen depression that leads to negative behavior?
• Eating Disorders? Weight loss? Weight gain?
• Self-Harm or Self Mutilation?
• High School drop-out?
• Suspended or Expelled from school?
• Suicidal thoughts or attempts?
• ADD/ADHD/LD/ODD?
• Is your teen involved in legal problems? Have they been arrested?
• Juvenile Delinquent?
• Conduct Disorder?
• Bipolar?
• Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)?

Does your teen refuse to take accountability and always blame others for their mistakes?

• Do you feel hopeless, helpless and powerless over what options you have as a parent? Are you at your wit’s end?


Does any of the above sound familiar? Many parents are at their wit’s end by the time they contact us, but the most important thing many need to know is you are not alone. There is help but the parent needs to be proactive and educate themselves in getting the right help.



Many try local therapy, which is always recommended, but in most cases, this is a very temporary band-aid to a more serious problem. One or two hours a week with a therapist is usually not enough to make the major changes that need to be done.

If you feel you are at your wit’s end and are considering outside resources, please contact us. http://www.helpyourteens.com/free_information.shtml An informed parent is an educated parent and will better prepare to you to make the best decision for your child. It is critical not to place your child out of his/her element. In many cases placing a teen that is just starting to make bad choices into a hard core environment may cause more problems. Be prepared – do your homework.

Many parents are in denial and keep hoping and praying the situation is going to change. Unfortunately in many cases, the problems usually escalate without immediate attention. Don’t be parents in denial; be proactive in getting your teen the appropriate help they may need. Whether it is local therapy or outside the home assistance, be in command of the situation before it spirals out of control and you are at a place of desperation. At wit’s end is not a pleasant place to be, but so many of us have been there.

Finding the best school or program for your child is one of the most important steps a parent does. Remember, your child is not for sale – don’t get drawn into high pressure sales people, learn from my mistakes. Read my story at www.aparentstruestory.com for the mistakes I made that nearly destroyed my daughter.

In searching for schools and programs we look for the following:

• Helping Teens - not Harming them
• Building them up - not Breaking them down
• Positive and Nurturing Environments - not Punitive
• Family Involvement in Programs - not Isolation from the teen
• Protect Children - not Punish them

www.helpyourteens.com
www.witsendbook.com
www.suescheff.com

Sue Scheff: Teenage Depression

Depression Causes

There are many causes of teen depression.

The most common causes are:

Significant life events like the death of a family member or close friend, parents divorce or split, breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, or moving to a new school/area.
Emotional/Physical neglect, being separated from a nurturer, abuse, damage to self esteem.
Many changes happening too quickly can cause depression. For some teens, any major change at one time can trigger symptoms.
Stress, especially in cases where the teen has little or no emotional support from parents, other family members, or friends.
Past traumatic events or experiences like sexual abuse, general abuse, or other major experiences often harbor deep within a child and emerge in the teen years. Most children are unable to process these types of events when they happen, but of course, they remember them. As they age, the events/experiences become clearer and they gain new understanding.
Changes associated with puberty often cause emotions labeled as depression.
Abuse of drugs or other substances can cause changes in the brainÕs chemistry, in many cases, causing some types of depression.
Some medical conditions such as hypothyroidism are believed to affect hormone and mood balance. Physical pain that is chronic can also trigger depression. In many cases, depression caused by medical conditions disappears when medical attention is sought and treatment occurs.
Depression is a genetic disorder, and teens with family members who have suffered from depression have a higher chance of developing it themselves.

Visit here for more information.

Sue Scheff - Parent Advocate - Gun Violence

By Connect with Kids

“One thing about him—he thought no one would hurt him. He thought, ‘no enemies.’”

– Mickye McGuire-Rush, Gregory’s Mother

Mickye McGuire-Rush sits in her living room and remembers her only son, Gregory. “One thing about him—he thought no one would hurt him. He thought, ‘no enemies,’” she says.

Gregory had no enemies and no protection from random violence. At age 15, he was shot to death by another kid didn’t even know.

“Mistaken identity—Gregory lost his life over something he didn’t even know was going on,” Mickye says.

Violence is killing our kids. Murder is the second leading cause of death among teenagers.

“I saw my friend in the hospital die with a nine millimeter, with a bible over it and we had a prayer before he died. Things change from that,” says one teen.

Changing the violence is exactly what a group of fourth and fifth graders are hoping to do. Some of the girls are step dancing for peace.

“We want the world to be a safe place to live,” says Ebony.

They’re part of a program at school that teaches non-violence as a way of life.

Experts say parents may not be able to prevent their children from becoming victims of violence, but they can teach kids how to handle disagreements peacefully in their own lives.

“It has to do with what you control and what you do not control. You control your own behavior. You control what you do inside that relationship with the people inside that household,” says Dr. John Jenson, psychologist.

“Clearly something is not working and I think to conclude that it’s the kids that aren’t working is inappropriate. We first must look at the environment that we have created as adults for kids to live in,” says Dr. Stephen Thomas, psychologist.

An environment that, so far, has claimed too many lives, including Gregory.

Mickye McGuire-Rush says, “He was my best friend.”

Tips for Parents

After a decade of decline, the number of children killed by gun fire has increased, according to the report Protect Children, Not Guns. This report from the Children’s Defense Fund, used data from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, to compile this list of statistics:

3,006 children and teens died from gunfire in the United States in 2005—one child or teen every three hours, eight every day, 58 children and teens every week.

1,972 were homicide victims
822 committed suicide
212 died in accidental or undetermined circumstances
2,654 were boys
352 were girls
404 were under age 15
131 were under age 10
69 were under age 5
1,624 were White
1,271 were Black
614 were Latino*
60 were Asian or Pacific Islander
51 were American Indian or Alaska Native


The number of children and teens in America killed by guns in 2005 would fill 120 public school classrooms of 25 students each.

In 2005, 69 preschoolers were killed by firearms compared to 53 law enforcement officers killed in the line of duty.

Since 1979, gun violence has snuffed out the lives of 104,419 children and teens in America. Sixty percent of them were White; 37 percent were Black.

The number of Black children and teens killed by gunfire since 1979 is more than 10 times the number of Black citizens of all ages lynched in American history.

The number of children and teens killed by guns since 1979 would fill 4,177 public school classrooms of 25 students each.

More than five times as many children and teens suffered non-fatal gun injuries.

181 more children and teens died from firearms in 2005 than in 2004—the first annual increase since 1994.

68 more children and teens died from homicide in 2005 than in 2004.

56 more White, 122 more Black, 40 more Hispanic, and 9 more Asian and Pacific Islander children and teens died in 2005 than in 2004.

More 10- to 19-year-olds die from gunshot wounds than from any other cause except motor vehicle accidents.

Almost 90 percent of the children and teens killed by firearms in 2005 were boys.

Black children and teens are more likely to be victims of firearm homicide. White children and teens are more likely to commit suicide.

The firearm death rate for Black males ages 15 to 19 is more than four times that of comparable White males.

A Black male has a 1 in 72 chance of being killed by a firearm before his 30th birthday; a White male has a 1 in 344 chance.

Eight times as many White children and teens committed suicide by gun as Black children and teens.

Males ages 15 to 19 are almost eight times as likely as females that age to commit suicide with a firearm.

The following behaviors and actions may be viewed as risk factors indicative of the potential for the initiation of violence by a child or adolescent:


Has a history of tantrums or uncontrollable angry outbursts
Uses abusive language or calls people names
Makes violent threats when angry
Has brought a weapon to school
Has serious disciplinary problems at school or in the community
Abuses drugs, alcohol or other substances
Has few or no close friends
Is preoccupied with weapons or explosives
Has been suspended or expelled from school
Is cruel to animals
Has little or no supervision and support from parents or a caring adult
Has witnessed or been a victim of abuse or neglect
Has been bullied and/or bullies or intimidates other kids
Prefers TV shows, movies or music with violent themes
Is involved with a gang or an antisocial group
Is depressed or has significant mood swings
Has threatened or attempted suicide

What Parents Can Do

The following are suggestions of ways to help your child or adolescent deal with feelings and/or situations that might lead them to participate in violent behaviors:

Give your children consistent love and attention. Every child needs a strong, loving, relationship with a parent or other adult to feel safe and secure and to develop a sense of trust.

Children learn by example, so show your children appropriate behavior by the way you act.

Settle arguments with calm words, not with yelling, hitting, slapping, or spanking. If you punish children by hitting, slapping, or spanking them, you are showing them that it is okay to hit others.

Talk with your children about the violence they see on TV, in video games, at school, at home, or in the neighborhood. Discuss why violence exists in these contexts and what the consequences of this violence are.

Try to keep your children from seeing too much violence: limit their TV time, and screen the programs they watch. Seeing a lot of violence can lead children to behave aggressively.

Make sure your children do not have access to guns. If you own firearms or other weapons, unload them and lock them up separately from the bullets. Never store firearms where children can find them, even if unloaded. Also, talk with your children about how dangerous weapons can be.

Involve your children in setting rules for appropriate behavior at home; this will help them understand why the rules should be followed. Also ask your children what they think an appropriate punishment would be if a rule were broken.

Teach your children nonaggressive ways to solve problems by discussing problems with them, asking them to consider what might happen if they use violence to solve problems, and talking about what might happen if they solve problems without violence.

Listen to your children and respect them. They will be more likely to listen and respect others if they are listened to and treated with respect.

Note any disturbing behaviors in your child such as angry outbursts, excessive fighting, cruelty to animals, fire setting, lack of friends, or alcohol/drug use. These can be signs of serious problems.

Don't be afraid to get help for your child if such behaviors exist, and talk with a trusted professional in the community.

References
National Center for Injury Prevention and Control
National Safety Council
SafeUSA - National Center for Injury Prevention and Control
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Children’s Defense Fund

Sue Scheff - Teens and Crimes

Too Young to Start

There are almost as many reasons teens steal as there are things for teens to steal. One of the biggest reasons teens steal is peer pressure. Often, teens will steal items as a means of proving’ that they are “cool enough” to hang out with a certain group. This is especially dangerous because if your teen can be convinced to break the law for petty theft, there is a strong possibility he or she can be convinced to try other, more dangerous behaviors, like drinking or drugs. It is because of this that it is imperative you correct this behavior before it escalates to something beyond your control.

Another common reason teens steal is because they want an item their peers have but they cannot afford to purchase. Teens are very peer influenced, and may feel that if they don’t have the ‘it’ sneakers or mp3 player, they’ll be considered less cool than the kids who do. If your teen cannot afford these items, they may be so desperate to fit in that they simply steal the item. They may also steal money from you or a sibling to buy such an item. If you notice your teen has new electronics or accessories that you know you did not buy them, and your teen does not have a job or source of money, you may want to address whereabouts they came up with these items.

Teens may also steal simply for a thrill. Teens who steal for the ‘rush’ or the adrenaline boost are often simply bored and/ or testing the limits of authority. They may not even need or want the item they’re stealing! In cases like these, teens can act alone or as part of a group. Often, friends accompanying teens who shoplift will act as a ‘lookout’ for their friend who is committing the theft. Unfortunately, even if the lookout doesn’t actually steal anything, the can be prosecuted right along with the actual teen committing the crime, so its important that you make sure your teen is not aiding his or her friends who are shoplifting.

Yet another reason teens steal is for attention. If your teen feels neglected at home, or is jealous of the attention a sibling is getting, he or she may steal in the hopes that he or she is caught and the focus of your attention is diverted to them. If you suspect your teen is stealing or acting out to gain your attention, it is important that you address the problem before it garners more than just your attention, and becomes part of their criminal record. Though unconventional, this is your teen’s way of asking for your help- don’t let them down!

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