Sue Scheff: Teens and Entitlement Issues

Does your teen have Entitlement Issues?

Does your teen expect more from you than they have earned or deserve?

Many parents only want the best for their children (usually more than they had growing up), but has this actually backfired on families?

In today’s society many teens have major entitlement issues. Many parents feel that giving their teen’s material items will somehow earn them respect. Quite frankly, the opposite occurs in most families. The more we give, the more our children expect and the less they respect us. We literally lose ourselves in buying our children’s love. At the end of the day, no one wins and life is a constant battle of anger, hopelessness, and debt.

While interviewing a young teen, she was given a new car – brand new – felt she deserved it since her parents gave her two used ones previously. She is only 17 years old and already controlling her household and believes she was entitled to this car. She shows no appreciation or respect to her parents. Simply, she deserved it. Can you imagine owning 3 cars by the age of 17, yet never buying one? This is an extreme example, but I am sure many parents can relate.

Entitlement issues can lead to serious problems. Teaching your child respect and responsibility should be priority. Although the issues may have started to escalate, as a parent, it is never too late to take control of the situation and say “no” when your teen feels they are entitled to a frivolous item or anything that is considered a privilege.

Life is about responsibility, as parents we need to teach our children responsibility – helping our children comes natural to us, however when it becomes excessive and the child doesn’t appreciate it, it is time to step back and evaluate your situation.

Visit http://www.helpyourteens.com/

Sue Scheff: Parents Universal Resource Experts

Just a reminder of my organization that I created almost 10 years ago after a negative experience with my own teenage daughter. A Parent’s True Story has been widely read through my book Wit’s End! I was very fortunate that Health Communications, Inc. recognized the importance of my story and the valuable advice I offer to parents who are desperate for help and are at risk of making rash decision in searching for residential therapy. Order today at http://witsendbook.com/.

Parent’s Universal Resource Experts, Inc. (P.U.R.E.™) is an organization that was founded in 2001 by Sue Scheff. For the past several years Parent’s Universal Resource’s has assisted families with valuable information and resources for their children and teens that are at risk. Teens that are struggling with today’s peer pressure, experimenting with drugs and alcohol, and simply good kids starting to make bad choices. We have many very satisfied families that have used our services. Please take a moment to read some of our testimonials.

Whether you are seeking Boarding Schools, Therapeutic Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, Wilderness Programs, Christian Schools, Summer Programs, Military Schools and more, Parent’s Universal Resource’s can offer you options to explore to help educate you in a very important decision for your child and family. We invite you to fill out a Free Consultation Form for more information.

Parent’s Universal Resource Expert’s™ are parents helping parents. As a parent that experienced and survived a difficult teen, we believe that desperate parents are at high risk of making rash and detrimental decisions in choosing the best placement for their child. Please take a moment to read my story – “A Parent’s True Story” – which is one the reasons this organization was created.

As a member of the Better Business Bureau for many years we are an organization that prides ourselves in helping others and bringing families back together.

There are many Doctors, Attorney’s, Therapists, Police Departments, Schools, Guidance Counselors, and other professionals that refer Parent’s Universal Resource’s to families. In many cases, after a family has used our service, they recommend us to their friends and relatives. We have built our reputation on trust and putting families first. At Parent’s Universal Resource’s we believe in bringing families back together.

In searching for schools and programs we look for the following:

Helping Teens – not Harming Them
Building them up – not Breaking them down
Positive and Nurturing Environments – not Punitive
Family Involvement in Programs – not Isolation from the teen
Protect Children – not Punish them

Sue Scheff: Texting Teens

Teens and Texting

By Jennifer Wagner

Text messaging is not the devil that many parents think it might be. Especially since many mobile carriers lately offer plans that include unlimited texting, it is no longer the financial drain it used to be.

Here are some of the reasons to embrace text messaging:

A report on a study in the British Journal of Developmental Psychology confirms that text speak does not hurt kids language skills. "Text speak (or, rather, TXT SP3EAK) not only doesn't harm literacy in children, researchers have found, but its use is actually positively correlated with their language and reading skills."

In the book Txtng: The Gr8 Db8, the author David Crystal argues that not only does texting not hinder language skills, it actually helps them.

The New York Post article Your mama's so tech-savvy, she loves to text message... with her mom by Lauren Johnston interviewed many moms of tweens, teens and twenty-somethings. She found that once these moms began texting they greatly increased their communication with their kids. (I was one of the moms interviewed).

If you have kids that text and you haven't tried it yet, have them show you how to do it. They will enjoy teaching you something new. It is much easier if you have one of the newer smart phones with a keyboard. You won't regret it.

For more info: Text-messaging with your Teens

HAZING

Source: Connect with Kids

“I think that hazing by nature is not necessarily a bad thing. It's when it gets humiliating or cruel or overly anxiety-provoking and it becomes a traumatic event, we have to get rid of that.”

– John Lochridge, Ph.D., psychologist

Fifteen-year-old Sean Butkus sees hazing as a pretty normal part of team sports.

“Hazing is a way of initiating a kid and seeing if they’re determined enough’ he says. “Just like, it’s like a test to see if you know they’re gonna be there for you.”

As a freshman, Sean joined his older brother’s soccer team this fall. So he knew what to expect from hearing about his brother’s experience.

“He got his head shaved” says Sean. “And I knew maybe that would happen to me. I actually got a Mohawk.”

Psychologist John Lochridge makes the point that not all of these ‘rites of passage’ are damaging. They were originally meant to bring a group closer together through some sort of hardship, but within certain boundaries.

“I think that hazing by nature is not necessarily a bad thing,” Lochridge says. “It’s when it gets humiliating or cruel or overly anxiety-provoking and it becomes a traumatic event, we have to get rid of that.”

A new survey finds that 45 percent of high school kids have been hazed: one in four was sleep deprived and 8 percent of the kids had to drink so much they either got sick or passed out.

“There’s just not enough supervisors to see what’s happening in every room – what’s happening in the bathroom, the locker room – there’s just so many places where so many things can happen,” Sean says.

Experts say the key is for the adults in charge to be proactive, to be alert, to ask questions and to make boundaries clear at the beginning of the year or the start of the season.

“There needs to be no sexuality involved and no abuse, no nudity, no humiliation – those kinds of things are above and beyond,” says Lochridge.

And coaches in particular can make sure they pick the right kids to be the team leaders.

It helps to have captains who are approachable, who are mature enough to listen to the new kids, Lochridge states.

“You want a relationship somewhere between the kids where the ones who are being hazed can go to the older ones and say, look, this is enough,” he adds. “It’s gone over the line. It’s getting inappropriate. And hopefully, the older ones have the wisdom to respond to that.”

Sean was lucky. His team captains were responsible and his experience was all in good fun.

“I mean, we still laugh about it,” he says. “I liked it.”

Tips for Parents

Hazing was created as a way to develop teamwork and unity among a group of individuals. It was also designed to “prove one’s worth.” While trust, devotion and determination are important attributes to possess, many organizations who participate in hazing take it to the extreme, turning it from a symbol of loyalty into a celebration of humiliation. Experts have developed a list of alternatives to hazing.

Plan events in which the whole group, team or organization attends (such as field trips, retreats, dances, movies and plays).

Participate in team-building activities (visiting a ropes course, playing paint ball, etc.).
Plan a social event with another group.

Develop a peer-mentor program within the group, teaming seasoned members with new members.

Work together on a community service project or plan fundraisers for local charitable organizations.

Hazing may not seem like a big deal to a lot of people. Students and parents may consider hazing a part of tradition, having fun or harmless pranks. But according to D'Arcy Lyness, a child and adolescent psychologist, viewing hazing this way only adds to the problem. It trivializes the actual dangers that exist in the act of hazing. There are steps, however, that parents can take to help prevent hazing, Lyness says.

Be educated about state anti-hazing laws (all but seven states have some sort of law applying to schools, colleges, universities and other educational institutions). Some schools – and states – may group hazing and bullying together in policies and laws.

Make sure your child's school and/or district has clearly defined policies that prohibit hazing, is taking measures to proactively prevent hazing from occurring and is acting immediately with repercussions when hazing does occur.

Ask your parent-teacher association and/or school administrators to invite a local law-enforcement official to speak to parents and/or the student body about hazing and the state's anti-hazing law.

Work with school personnel and student leaders to create powerful – and safe – experiences to promote positive alternatives to hazing that would foster cohesion in group, club and team membership.

Talk to other parents – especially those of upperclassmen and your child's sports teammates – about what their children may have seen or experienced. If you know that the problem exists at your child's school, you'll be better prepared to discuss it with your child, fellow parents and school officials.

Clichéd as it is, have the "if everyone else was jumping off the bridge, would you do it, too?" conversation with your child. Talk about why your child shouldn't feel pressured to participate in anything, even if "everyone else is doing it" or "it's always been done this way."

Talk specifically about hazing and what your child would do in a hypothetical hazing situation. Discuss how the group mentality sometimes can cause people to wait for someone else to do the right thing, stop something dangerous, speak out, etc. Discuss the topic in a way that doesn't lecture or tell your child what to think or do. Let your child know that often it takes just one person to speak out or take different action to change a situation. Others will follow if someone has the courage to be first to do something different or to be first to refuse to go along with the group.

Explain to your child that physical and mental abuse, no matter how harmless it may seem, isn't part of becoming a member of the in crowd or a specific group, and that it even may be against the law. Emphasize the importance of telling you and an adult at school whenever another kid or group of kids causes your child or anyone else physical harm.

If your child has experienced hazing, talk to school officials immediately. If physical abuse was involved, talk to your local law-enforcement agency. Though he or she may be unwilling or may feel uneasy about "telling on" peers, get precise details from your child about the incident – who, what, when, where and how.

Above all, maintain open communication with your child. Always ask what's going at school, what peers are doing, what pressures are present – physically, academically and socially. Encourage your child to come to you in any uncomfortable situation, big or small.

References
Kids Health
Stop Hazing
National School Safety Center
University of Maine

Sue Scheff; How to Bully-Proof Your Child with ADHD

Help your child stand up to teasing at school with these smart playground strategies.

Source: ADDitude Magazine

Teasing and playful banter are an inevitable part of childhood, but children with attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD) often don't know how to respond. Parents should encourage their children to stand up to teasing without overreacting, which might escalate the problem.

Alert your child's teachers and school principal about any bullying, and let the school take care of the situation.

Suggest that the school establish antibullying rules, if it hasn't already done so.

Encourage your child to stay calm in the face of the bullying. He might count to 10 or take a few deep breaths before responding. Help him brainstorm some good comebacks. He could agree with the bully: "I am overweight. Maybe I should go on a diet." Or he could preempt taunts by saying, "Hi, what are you going to tease me about today?" The key is to remain emotionally detached.

Teach your child to yell, "Ouch! Stop that!" each time he's taunted. That will attract an adult's attention without his tattling.

Encourage your child to stand up straight, make eye contact, and speak in a firm, authoritative tone. If the bullying seems to have a specific, petty target - like the type of cap your son wears on the bus - have him leave it home for a few days.

Ask your child for a daily progress report, and offer abundant encouragement.

Sue Scheff: Stop Teen Sexual Abuse

As a parent advocate, I don’t only hear from parents, I hear from teens. Joni Poole is someone very special. Joni has possessed strength, dignity and courage through some horrific events. She is no longer a victim - she is a survivor and one that has a strong message to all others. She has created a website and advocacy group (Sexual Abuse, Sexual Assault and Rape Awareness) to educate others and hopefully prevent sexual abuse and assualt. Take a moment to read her story and pass it on - you don’t know who may benefit.

Here is Joni’s story - and please read her website at http://www.saaraonline.org/:

My name is Joni Poole. I am a 17 year old Senior in high school. I am telling my story in hopes that it will help others who have been a victim of a sexual crime. I have also provided Public Information, from the Georgia Department of Corrections, about my offender within my story.
On August 22, 2007, I was at work at a Toy Breed Dog Kennel. Near the end of my shift, around 7:45 P.M., I was raped by my second cousin/co-worker/manager, Martin Malone Griffin.

As soon as I could leave my workplace, I immediately began calling my mother from my cell phone. I drove about a mile down the road to her job. We then went to the hospital and had a rape kit performed. This began the process of pressing charges. From that moment on, the next year of my life would become a living nightmare. Investigators did not want to believe me. They told us that there was no way it was rape. Due to me turning 16 nineteen days prior (the assault happened August 22, 2007 and my 16th birthday was August 3, 2007) to the attack, Marty could not be arrested for statutory rape.

DNA tests were performed and proved that the he was in fact the perpetrator of the crime. The magistrate judge would not give us a warrant for his arrest due to lack of evidence, so he said. Although by law, all that is needed to secure a warrant is probable cause. We had probable cause and DNA evidence, which was more than enough for a warrant. However, no matter what others said, I was not going to give up.

The day the Magistrate Judge told us there was no probable cause, we turned to the Assistant District Attorney. Much to my relief she wanted to help. She was enraged at how I had been treated by the Magistrate Court and decided to pursue the case. The case was brought before a Grand Jury. I had to testify and tell the Jury my account of what happened. This was extremely hard and embarrassing for me. The Grand Jury agreed to issue a warrant for his arrest. A few weeks later we went back to court for jury selection. The jury was chosen and trial was set for the next day. However, the original investigator hurt himself in an accident and would not be able to attend court. Therefore, court was rescheduled for September 22, 2008, 1 year and 1 month after the rape occurred.

Due to court being postponed, we had to pick a new jury Monday, September 22, 2008. Our case was possibly going to have to be postponed once again due to the two other criminal cases ahead of us. However, the two cases ahead of us plead out, therefore, our case was moved up to Wednesday, September 24. We began trial at 2:00 pm. on Wednesday. After opening arguments, it was time for me to testify.

I was so scared and nervous. I could not stand the thought of being in the same room as the man who had raped me. The questions I was asked were difficult and embarrassing to answer. I felt terrified, embarrassed, angry, and experienced many other emotions the entire time I was on the stand. I also had to stand in front of the Jury and show them a map of the building I had drawn to give them an illustration of where the rape took place. After the Assistant District Attorney asked me questions, it was time for me to be cross-examined by the Defense Attorney.

He asked very difficult and sometimes confusing questions. However, I stood strong and did not let him shake me. I kept my eyes focused on the Jury, my family and supporters, and the Assistant District Attorney. I did this because to look at Marty would cause to experience flashbacks of the rape.

I was already weeping from the questions and having to remember and tell every detail. I did not need to have a panic attack. I can remember looking out into the crowd to my aunt and other family members crying. They were there in support of me, but they had never heard my full story. They did not expect me to be interrogated like I was that day.

After I finished testifying I was released and asked to return to the witness room. I felt satisfied with my testimony and so was the Assistant District Attorney. A few more people testified Wednesday and the case was put on hold until the next day. We began trial again the next morning.

The last of the witnesses testified Thursday morning. After testimonies were finished it was time for closing arguments. The defense attorney called me a “liar” many times and said, “if my client is convicted based on a liar’s testimony, then we need to burn this courthouse down and plant a turnip patch.” He also tried to discredit me many times. After closing arguments the Judge told us to remain at the courthouse until the verdict was reached. She charged the jury. They were told what the charges were and the definition of each charge. He was charged with:

Count 1: Rape

…[Rape occurs when sex is non-consensual (not agreed upon), or a person forces another person to have sex against his or her will. It also can occur when the victim is intoxicated from alcohol or drugs. Rape includes intercourse in the vagina, anus, or mouth. It is a felony offense, which means it is among the most serious crimes a person can commit. Rape is a crime that can happen to men, women, or children.]…

Count 2: False Imprisonment

…[The illegal confinement of one individual against his or her will by another individual in such a manner as to violate the confined individual's right to be free from restraint of movement.]…
Count 3: Sexual Battery

…[A person commits the offense of sexual battery when he or she intentionally makes physical contact with the intimate parts of the body of another person without the consent of that person.]…

After charges were read, the Jury went to the Jury room for deliberation. Marty was offered a plea bargain of 1 year in boot camp, 10 years probation, and Sex Offender Registry. He was able to accept this verdict until the Jury came back with a verdict. However, he REFUSED this lenient deal, several times. After 2 and 1/2 hours the Jury came back with their verdict.
The Jury’s verdict was…

-Count 1: Rape…GUILTY-

Count 2: False Imprisonment…NOT GUILTY-

Count 3: Sexual Battery…GUILTY

Contact Joni at jnpoole_2009@hotmail.com - her mission is to spread the word and help others.

You can join S.A.A.R.A. Fan Club on Facebook too! Help carry her message throughout the world!

Sue Scheff: Teenage Back Acne and Teen Self Esteem

By Johanna Curtis

Back Acne Treatment Helps Teens with Self Esteem Issues

As parents we are all aware at how fragile a teenager’s self esteem can be sometimes. Hormones at the onset of puberty don’t do much to help with that. As hormones rage, often times so does acne. Acne occurs frequently in teenagers to varying degrees and typically occurs on the face and back. For active teenagers, this can be a cause of embarrassment. But back acne treatment can do wonders in alleviating the self esteem issues caused by excessive acne on the back.Teenage boys are often active in sports and have to deal with their peers in the locker rooms and while competing. Having back acne can be highly embarrassing and make someone feel self conscious. Teenage girls have an equal number of problems pertaining to back acne.

Imagine getting ready for a high school dance, picking out a fashionable dress and being appalled by the back acne that is visible. Of course, acne in general is something that all teenagers go through to some extent. But we do want our kids to be confident and healthy so it is important to understand the causes of back acne as well as the cures for back acne.If a teenager is embarrassed by their back acne, they will have a tendency to avoid situations where it may be visible. This can be really unhealthy for a teenager.

Avoiding sporting events, social activities and friends can lead to depression. But there is good news regarding the causes of back acne. We know what causes are real and what are myths. Because of this, we also know ways in which back acne treatment can benefit the self conscious teenager.Amazingly, many people still buy into the myths associates with the causes of back acne. We know, though that food, clothing, dirt and sweat do not cause acne. In some cases one or all of those issues may exacerbate acne to a small degree but none of them actually cause it.

So, in order to effectively find cures for back acne, the root cause of it should be examined and there is basically one main cause of acne in the face, back and body.The culprit is hormones. Yes, a hormonal imbalance is the reason the skin breaks out and why so many teenagers are afflicted with acne problems. So in order to treat it, two things must occur: The hormonal imbalance must be addressed and a proper skin care regimen must be started. The truth is both of these issues can be controlled with skin care products, diet and vitamins.With back acne Retin A is often used and touted as a cure. However, many Retin A products are very expensive and often do not cure the back acne completely.

High cost advertising programs are what draw consumers to these products and while some may work, they are not addressing the complete picture so they can not stop the back acne from occurring.Instead, there are a few products that are recommended because of the testing that was conducted and the means to which a complete system of hormonal cures as well as skin care treatments are used. The reason they work is that they address back acne from the inside out and do not leave anything out of the picture.

There are many products on the market today but often the reason they are popular is due to expensive advertising campaigns as opposed to actual positive results. It is important to start off with a topical treatment to clean the skin and protect it. These may include a body wash, body cream and scrubs. Getting into the habit of cleaning the face regularly will instill a sense of responsibility and self respect in a teenager also.Not only should the topical skin treatment be addressed but the hormonal imbalance should also be treated with natural supplements.

The hormonal imbalance is addressed with the use of the supplements and acne issues are washed away with the topical products. The results include fewer blemishes and a restored balance to the hormones. This allows the skin to naturally go back to its intended condition, free from acne.Choose products that are independently tested and rated for its effectiveness in treating back acne. Also choose all inclusive solutions. They all have one thing in common. They each address all the issues regarding back acne and its root cause.

They provide a topical acne wash and cream to help maintain the skin’s appearance but they also include a dietary supplement intended to help restore the proper hormonal balance.Hormonal imbalances can go well into adulthood but teenagers are especially prone to it. Back acne can be embarrassing and can greatly affect a teenager’s self esteem. However, with proper treatment, the self consciousness from back acne can be eliminated. Your teenager can be confident knowing he or she is acne free.